Sry I called you an 8
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
