6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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