If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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