Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
