He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think people are normalizing furries
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
