i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
