Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
