he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
