I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
