It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
