I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
