to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
