You made me cry and you don't even care
Non-Jews are for practice
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
