I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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