NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
