u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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