first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
