Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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