I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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