I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
