Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
