I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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