Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
