We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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