She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
