He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
