Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
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I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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