I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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