my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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