how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
