"it" just moved
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
