Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
