Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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