I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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