I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
