I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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