At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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