Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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