So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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