I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
