When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
