i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you traded sex for a burrito?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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