At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
