Pappa wants mamma naked
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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