butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
