I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
