just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
