his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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