First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
