Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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