so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
