I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
