Will you blow on my dice?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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