I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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