i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
