Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
