Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
