Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
