god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
