My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize