its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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