Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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