i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
