How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
