that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
