i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
