Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize