ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
