you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
