i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
