Ambien. No doubt about it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
