Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.

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(970): View more from Colorado

At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door

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(518): View more from New York

Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.

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(406): View more from Montana

Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave

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(970): View more from Colorado

Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.

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