He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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