I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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