i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
