I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
