The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
