Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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