yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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