sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am available for nakedness
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize