So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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