If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
