New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The power of my boobs compel you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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